A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a very old Chinese man with a long, grey beard.

“I’m lost,” said the man. “Can you put me up for the night?”

“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”

“Ok,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old given her father’s age, so he entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man, since she was relentlessly flirting with him throughout the meal.

Remembering the old man’s warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night, he could bear it no longer.  He sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock the size of a football on his chest with a note on it that read: “Chinese Torture No. 1: Large rock on chest.”

“Well, that’s pretty pathetic,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.”

He picked the large rock, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so he noticed another note on the bottom of the rock that read: “Chinese Torture No. 2: Rock tied to left testicle.”

In a panic, he glanced down and saw the falling rock was getting close to the end of the cord tied to it. Figuring that a few broken bones is better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.  As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read:  ”Chinese Torture No. 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost.”